Notes from Work: 4 Weeks of Stepping Back

6 min readDec 6, 2024

Continuing from the earlier article ‘Stepping Back’, I am mindful of not speaking, not intervening, and letting things happen.

Week 1:

Week 1 has not been perfect. I had three flare-ups and two meltdowns. Being stoic is meant to gain mind space and clarity, which I did not get because of these flare-ups. Let me give you a synopsis and then my observations.

With the team:

I emailed the necessary instructions and I transferred work to partners. The biggest realization was that the team was on it, and I did not require the usual and frequent follow-ups. Half of the team has yet to return from the Diwali holidays, so I would not pride myself on this. Here is a world that I look at hour by hour, now it has turned once in a day.

There are many empty slots in my calendar, and I am still experiencing the vacuum. My to-do list has changed significantly. My most dependable resources must be feeling differently, as they are used to my niggles and sermons, now that they have shortened. I know that I have to keep at it.

With partners:

With one of my partners who had proposed to step back, I had a flareup specifically about the indifference and lack of support from the partners. As we spoke, we realized that we could go on forever blaming each other, but we needed to work together on specific questions.

The second flare-up happened with my wife — who has quirks about little things at home. My frustrations about routine stuff had more to do with the boundaries that we have to establish for working from home.

The third was a meltdown then a flareup. It was my phone that behaved weirdly slow when I was driving.

Analysis:

A week where I had more time for myself. I realized that I could do more of the stuff I wanted to, rather than following up. No issue is worth expending energy and consuming. I have released more time off my schedule to probably do things that I love and I should.

Let me take a deep breath and meditate a little more.

Week 2:

Silence is the unbearable repartee’

This week, I learned two valuable lessons. First, I discovered that silence can bring a sense of peace. Speaking often feels laborious; it involves thinking, communicating, and then worrying about how my words will be received. In contrast, silence is free from the effort and stress associated with speaking. I began to appreciate the wisdom shared by my friend and partner. I allowed the team to work through challenges independently, and they provided updates via email. I only spoke with them once throughout the week.

The ongoing challenge has been the need for more readily available information. However, since I am not in the emergency services field, I am learning to accept the slow pace of information flow. It’s difficult, but that’s alright. It will take some time for the team to sort things out, and I’m comfortable with a slow approach to our tasks. Additionally, this situation has allowed me to organize my personal desk and address key conversations that I needed to have but had delayed due to operational issues.

One challenge I still face is guilt. It might be a withdrawal effect, but I am struggling to manage it. There were times when I felt the urge to get an update or wanted to be part of a call. However, when I checked in, everything was fine; the team handled it quite well. Yet, the guilt still lingers.

We’ll see how I handle Week 3, particularly the guilt aspect — it can feel like a Trojan horse for my pivot.

Week 3:

“In matters of healing the body or the mind, vacation is a true genius!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

Most of the week was focused on our vacation to the West Coast. The main event was a wedding, but more importantly, it was a chance to spend time with my paternal cousins and brother. Some cousins were getting together for the first time.

The vacation was planned long ago and was not initially intended as a break. However, I made one call to a partner. Important events were taking place, but I chose to let them unfold without my interference. Both senior employees and other partners need to know how to handle these situations; otherwise, I would be ineffective in my role as managing partner. So, I decided to stay put, which was contrary to my previous habit of needing to come up for air.

I had a productive time. I finished a short book by Murakami and made good progress on another one. I also wrote two poems. More importantly, I spent quality time with myself and my loved ones. We attended a wedding, soaked in the salty waters of Cherai Beach, and climbed up and down the rocky terrain of Athirapilly Falls. Additionally, we visited the palaces of Mattancherry and Thirupunithura and several temples. During this time, we got to know each other better, especially the cousins and extended family. We all agreed that we need to take time out more often, as some of us are past sixty, and we want to make the most of the time we have left.

Things did progress, but I could have added little value to the events. They were all set in motion a month ago, anticipating this holiday. But my nature during the break helped. I did not text or talk to partners or employees.

Most importantly, my anxiety has gradually decreased to the point where I can make mental notes. Now, I just need to follow through when I rejoin next week. Expect more fun then! The real test will be getting back into the swing of things, right?

Week 4:

A hard realization set in. While I am trying to reform myself, would the world respond in kind? In my view, I haven’t seen a response yet.

People complain about things not happening, but they don’t do it themselves. Some are candid in admitting that they don’t like to work. Some are subtle, and show that they can do only so much. When we question their communication or update — then they break down or become cold. I sigh when I write this.

I expressed my concerns about a team member's response, and I realized that even after explaining how her work impacts mine, things progress at a specific pace that won't change. I need to adapt and allow things to unfold naturally, rather than trying to force changes.

It's important to consider that even if someone takes the initiative, the outsourced agencies that make up the extended team may not respond quickly. In truth, the broader business environment operates at a pace that doesn't prioritize stress or adrenaline; it's just business as usual. Yet, many people still complain about this situation, just as I used to.

Conclusion:

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
― Jerome K. Jerome

I realize that I need to be thick-skinned and light-hearted to survive in this challenging environment. I can’t change others, but I can change myself. So, I focus on what I can control. As for deadlines, I’ve learned to be indifferent to them. When people criticize me, I remind them that I observe the world around me. Many people are sensitive or lazy, and often they rely on others who are the same. So, I advise them not to complain. Work will get done; it’s just a matter of when. There's no need to worry about it.